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Recovery From Toxic Relationships and Narcissistic Abuse.

Recovery from Toxic Relationships is something I am passionate about.

Toxic and Emotionally abusive relationships, particularly Narcissistic Abuse, slowly change how we feel about ourselves, and leave us very confused about what's even going on!

I know - I've been there. I know the answer to the loaded question 'Why don't you just leave?'

I understand how complex such relationships are and how difficult they are to get out of.

And I know that recovery takes time.

But I can also tell you that life out the other side feels so completely different and empowering and free!!

Below are a couple of articles I have written on the subject. And there are more to come.

Wishing you well on your journey home to yourself.

x Ciara

RECOVERY FROM NARCISSISTIC ABUSE

Toxic relationships are a roller-coaster of obsessively thinking about the other person, self-doubt, confusion, and frustration. There are the cycle of highs and lows, walking on eggshells, and the perpetual trying-harder.

What about the never-ending unanswerable questions:

'Is it / was it me?'
'Am I the problem but I just can't see it??'
'Am I the narcissist?'
'Should I stay or should I go?'
'Is this relationship good for me or bad for me??'

Not forgetting the misguided mantras:

'If only the other person would change then everything would be perfect'
'If I just try harder then everything will be okay'

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! It's exhausting!! Believe me - I know!!

I also know that it is possible to recover, to come home to yourself, to be stronger than you could possibly imagine and to move forward to live the peaceful life you didn't know you deserved.

How about coming along for some Art Therapy and finding out what happens when you quietly tune in to yourself?

Lead by a qualified Art Therapist - little ole me - Art Therapy exercises will help connect you with your inner world, to hear your inner voice, to gain clarity about what you need to heal and move forward, and to trust yourself again.

The recovery process takes time. Be patient with yourself. You are worth it.

x Ciara

Leaving a Narcissist is only Part One...

For many people stuck in toxic relationships they have probably spent a long time thinking that all would be perfect if only their partner would change.

Then they realise, after a LONG time, that that's not going to happen. And they begin the difficult task of untangling themselves from the sticky web that is their relationship.

Now they may think that all would be perfect if they could just get out.

Well, it's not quite that simple. Once they do finally make it out the door it could take a while for the drugs of the relationship to wear off - the roller coaster of dopamine and adrenaline can continue to spike and dip if they remain in contact with this narcissist/ toxic person.

Eventually they 'block' this person, so they are no longer having their emotional strings pulled. Now what?

This is when the real work begins. Looking inwards...

This is when they may find themselves landing in a depression. I call it The Flat Place. The place that was empty before they met the Narcissist but that they were elevated above in the early exciting love-bomb days.

In the later stages they were so busy trying to stay afloat in that crazy world they called their relationship that they were up and down like a yo-yo, with no time to notice or meet that slightly unpleasant empty place inside.

The relationship ends and that empty feeling is still there. At this point some may seek to get high again, by returning to the same narcissist, or a different narcissist, or a different drug altogether. (Food, alcohol, exercise etc etc)

Or...you could go in there, to The Flat Place. With your torchlight. And preferably a good therapist who can hold your hand while you rummage around in your darkness and see what's in there.

There you will find the parts of yourself you have hidden away because somewhere along the line, in childhood, you got the impression those parts of yourself were HIDEOUS!

Some of what you find will be surprisingly lovely. Some will be ugly. (You may start to wonder if YOU are the Narcissist, don't freak out - if you're taking this trip you probably aren't...)

But here's the thing - all parts of you are worthy of love, compassion and acceptance.

You are not BAD. You are human. There is nothing in you that is not in everyone else.

Once you can love those crunchy parts of yourself, you will know that despite these 'flaws' you are worthy of love. You always were. You just didn't realise it. You thought you had to be 'perfect' to be loved, and so when you were in a toxic relationship, a one-way give-fest, you accepted crumbs or nothing at all because deep down it matched what you believed you deserved.

But now you know differently. So you will choose differently. You are ready to give and, very importantly, you are ready to receive, without guilt.

But maybe it's not quite time to rush into another relationship.

Why not hang out with your beautiful self for a while? Tune into your quiet inner voice - what are your hobbies, interests, music, food, friends, things that bring you joy?

Once you have this connection and friendship with yourself you will never be abandoned.

x Ciara

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